Something rather unexpected happened on Tuesday. It was totally unplanned and even though I feel sad about it, I am so pleased about how we reached the end of one of our many chapters together.
536 days ago I gave birth to a little girl.
That little girl started to grow…
Bigger…
And bigger…
She passed her first birthday…
And turned into a proper little girl. A walking, talking little girl.
But one thing that remained constant throughout that whole time was me breastfeeding her.
I always knew I was going to breastfeed but I never knew when I would stop. I assumed it would be before she was one and I was adamant that I wasn’t going to still be doing it when she was ‘walking’ and ‘talking’ because that would just be weird, but I did and it didn’t feel weird at all.
This photo was taken by Dad2BabyInsomniac on Saturday (he dressed her, hence the wellies!), and it was taken the day after her last breastfeed.
Does that seem weird to you? She isn’t a baby is she, but when I was breastfeeding her she still felt like my baby. It never felt any different to when she was a newborn. We reached 18 months but many people carry on longer, the WHO recommend 2 years and in many parts of the world it is the norm to carry on for far longer than that.
I wasn’t sure what to do when Iyla turned one - Yes, I Am Still Breastfeeding - everyone was making comments and even Dad2BabyInsomniac told me he thought I should stop but through the blogging community I found out that it isn’t weird to carry on after that age and I had the drive to carry on going despite what people thought. Luckily Dad2BabyInsomniac changed his mind, said he no longer found it weird and was happy to support me which was all I needed to hear.
I would have carried on for longer, but Iyla no longer relied on my milk and after having two days without it, it just felt like the right time to stop. It was mutual, neither one of us refused each other which I am pleased about.
I had a day of feeling really sad, I don’t even remember her last feed, although that is probably a good thing as it would have probably made me cry. I have a little movie running through my head of how it had changed since her first feed in the hospital. When her tiny little mouth couldn’t swallow the milk quick enough and it all just used to pour back out the other side to when she used to just stare at me with her big eyes with such a serious face. I made it my mission to try and get her to laugh, it took months of pulling funny faces at her but eventually she did and it was such a lovely moment.
I loved the way she used to grab my top with her hand and the way in which I was able to offer her such comfort but I do think she had got a bit too reliant on it and it was holding her back a bit. She was asking to go to bed / sleep 30 minutes after waking as she thought I would feed her and was asking for milk /cuddles all day by the end. Dad2BabyInsomniac spent two days looking after her this week and that was all it took to forget. She is on her fourth breastmilk free day now and I can see a real difference in her, she is a lot more happy and content plus she is a big fan of cow’s milk or ‘milkie’ as she calls it! My boob was a comforter to her and it was too tempting to be around me without wanting it but now she isn’t tempted anymore, she plays happily and cuddles me without asking for milk.
It has been a perfect end to a wonderful experience and now I’m excited about out next chapter together.
And anyone who is offended by breastfeeding photos should look away now because this is a boob being used for it’s primary purpose in life.
Lovely post
My bfeeding journeys with my boys sort of ended the same way… one day the day had just come and that was it… no tears, no tantrums, no swollen boobs for me as the feedings had reduced down to 2 a day by then as well. But I do miss that part of having a baby 
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I’m so glad you got a good experience with stopping. I did too and it really means I look bak so fondly on the whole thing. He just stopped one day, just wasn’t interested, but guzzled half a pint of cows milk in one sitting. I just knew. I was a little sad too because I’d fed him as normal at bedtime with no idea it was our last time. But like you, I think it was probably better that way.
X
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Ah, it goes so quickly doesn’t it? We’re still breastfeeding our little darling even though she’s a walking, talking toddler now. Well, I say ‘we’… But my wife is away on business in June and we both somehow think that’ll be the time to stop.
its better that it came to a natural end. i am happy that it finished this way for you, as there were no tears, strops or thoughts of maybe giving into her.
xx
never mind Jess you will get to do it again next time
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I’m glad it reached an end you’re both happy with. What a lovely way to finish off! Well done on being such a giving, dedicated mum. I love those photos!!! Can’t wait to pin this.
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Lovely! You are very lucky to have had such a positive breastfeeding experience and such a perfect mutual end.
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I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I am such an emotional wreck at the moment- just got a bit teary reading this as remembering my breast feeding journey. It was bloody tough but amazing in the end. A lovely post hun and you should be so proud of yourself x
This is such a beautiful blog post.
It makes me really hopeful that with my next child I’ll be able to breast feed.
It’s a little up setting that I wasn’t able to breast feed my little girl. It wasn’t a matter of choice, she just wouldn’t feed anything for over a week after birth and when she had finally started feeding I wasn’t producing enough milk for her.
They grow so uickley! I’m always having to stop myself from rocking my two year old little girl off to sleep, always forgetting she’s not a baby anymore, but she’s a little girl.
Oh wow, must feel like a big change. Well
Done the both of you. Such a brilliant thing which has ended well too and the next stage starts. Bet she will always cuddle you in that kind of position. Z still does and he only bfed for about 3 months.
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Sounds like the perfect end to a wonderful journey. Ours was similar. F was 13 months and was only interested in her last feed of the day by that point, before bed. One night she just looked at my boob and turned away. I cried that night!
Ahh great way to end your breastfeeding chapter. We just reached this same milestone recently too. We were down to just a bedtime feed which I thought was going to be really hard to cut out. But it came as a total surprise when she naturally chose one night she didnt want it anymore and that was it. I felt sad but pleased it was what she wanted.
Now a few weeks on I am thoroughly enjoying the new kind of comfort and connection between us – cuddles!! She has always been so active and rarely sat still unless she was feeding, so today when we had a full half an hour of cuddles it was absolutely lovely. Nice to feel so loved – not just for milk!
Lovely photos, well done for making breastfeeding such a lovely journey for the two of you.
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This made me quite tearful…I have been soul searching a lot recently on when to stop bf (Little Monster is only about 3 months). I’m having a hard time with it so I keep giving myself milestones to get to. Little Monster loves bf and hates bottles so he motivates me to carry on, and like you guys he gets a lot of comfort from it. I’m glad you had a good experience with stopping but I can completely understand why you’d feel sad. X
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