Broken

Last weekend at Dad2BabyInsomniac’s motocross race, someone fell off and was rushed to hospital in a air ambulance. The rumour was that he had broken his leg. I can remember saying to Dad2BabyInsomniac, ‘ohhh what would happen if you broke your leg?’

The risk is there. It is a very dangerous sport and the only reason I haven’t worried about it too much until now is because he has never had a serious accident.

Until yesterday.

I usually go with Dad2BabyInsomniac when he is riding but he didn’t have a race this weekend so him and friend decided to go practising instead. It was over an hours drive away so I decided not to go. Then when I phoned him to ask his about the rattling exhaust on my car, I heard the dreaded words ‘I’m in hospital’.

Initially they thought he had just sprained his ankle, then after the x-ray he was told that he’d broken his fibula and then after seeing the doctor he was told that he needs surgery and metal plates putting in and they don’t know how long he will be in hospital.

I was okay until I knew he needed surgery. I am a bit of a worrier and so my mind started going into overdrive, what if he has a reaction to the anaesthetic or picks up a hospital bug and…..dies.

I know the chances of that happening are rare but there is more of a chance then if he wasn’t in hospital having surgery.

And the thing is I don’t think he has any intention of giving up his hobby.

I have written about whether you should give up motorsport when you become a parent before, I didn’t feel that strongly either way when I wrote it but now this has happened I am really going to struggle with him getting on a motorbike again. I will be freaking out about him doing something similar, or even worse and the effect it will have on all of our lives, especially Iyla’s.

But he loves it and I can’t make him stop. He will have to make the decision himself. If I compare it to blogging then I would absolutely HATE to have to stop doing it but then I’m not risking serious injury everytime I sit in front of my computer and if I was then I am pretty sure I would give it up.

It’s a really difficult situation and I don’t know what the answer is but I am going to try and be understanding and not just insist he gets rid of the dangerous piece of shite.

I feel awful for him, I can’t even go and see him because he’s over an hour away and it’s his birthday on Wednesday so I really hope he is out of hospital by then but if he turns around and says he is planning on getting back on a bike in a few months then I know I will feel angry because him breaking his leg is going to have a big effect on our lives.

I am so glad he is okay and I know that it could have been so much worse but I have college deadlines and lessons I can’t miss this week and I have no idea how long he is going to be in hospital for. Iyla knows something is up so she is tantruming non-stop and he is self-employed so we are going to have no income for at least 6 weeks, not to mention the fact that he is going to be absolutely miserable for that whole time because he hates sitting around doing nothing.

But the most important thing now is him having surgery and trying to fix whatever he has done so I will wait until that has happened before wondering what will happen next.

Update – Since writing this the morning I have found out that things are even worse, his ankle has completed shattered. There is no cartilage left and he is going to need ongoing operations with his first big one on Wednesday to try to fix it and remove all the shattered pieces of bone.

He has been told that he can’t ride again which makes me feel awful. Yes I wanted him to stop but I didn’t want it to be taken away from him. I just have to keep remembering that it could have been worse.