ROMANCE – A feeling of excitement and mystery associated with love
But how important is it?
If you’d have asked me that question a few weeks ago then I would have said not very important at all. I would have said that romance doesn’t mean anything and that it’s nice but the lack of it doesn’t mean that your OH loves you any less but following a conversation with one of my friends last week I started to wonder whether in actual fact, it does.
Dad2BabyInsomniac isn’t the romantic type, or more like he isn’t the romantic type anymore. If I think back to the start of our relationship then things were different, he was a lot more open with his feelings, not ever like in the romance movies (such as Pearl Harbor – so romantic) but it was him who used to tell me that he loved me every night and do little things that made me feel like he cared, so what changed?
Romance doesn’t seem to play any part in our relationship these days – unless you class romance as offering to make someone some beans on toast.
I had been going along like this quite happily until recently when I started to crave romantic gestures, compliments and gushing declarations of undying love. Watching Pearl Harbour the other night didn’t help things, I am now desperately waiting for him to get home from work and tell me that although it had been freezing cold all day, thinking of me had made him warm inside.
It’s not going to happen though. I am being unrealistic and to be honest, if he did come home and say that to me I would laugh so hard that it would be the last time he ever tried it.
But this is where I think the problem lies, it would be really easy to blame it all on Dad2BabyInsomniac but I think half the problem lies with me. I can’t expect him to do and say things that I wouldn’t do myself can I?
When we first got together I had just come out of a five year relationship, one where I got hurt badly and I think it has had far more of an effect on me than I realised. The relationship was full of lies and deception, he was my first love and I opened up to him in a big way – he had my heart and with that came the power to break it, which he did.
My ex used to tell me he loved me ALL the time, write me poems and give me compliments but he also used to cheat on me every weekend and lie to me. Not only did this affect my confidence and my ability to trust but it has left me somewhat unable to express my true emotions or be ‘romantic’. I find it quite hard to tell Dad2babyinsomniac that I love him, I am okay if I am saying it in a matter of fact way like ‘you know I love you’ but I don’t know if I have ever said it in a really deep and meaningful way – even at the start when he used to say it to me. Maybe he sensed that was how I felt all those years ago and that’s why he stopped.
Telling someone how much they mean to you is scary, you are putting yourself on the line to be hurt. Dad2babyinsomniac thinks that I hold back because I don’t feel completely comfortable around him but it’s not that, it’s just that I don’t feel comfortable saying certain things. I don’t know if it’s possible to change the way we are now but I want to try – I want us to make our relationship into a little romance movie.
At the end of the day, I know romance isn’t everything, I only have to look back at my previous relationship to know that but I just think it would be nice to let each other know how we feel. It would be nice to have a little bit of excitement and mystery back. I am hoping that if I try and be a bit more open with my feelings then it will have a chain effect and suddenly we will be telling each other that if our planes ever crash into the sea and we don’t know if we can hold on then the thought of each others faces will give us the strength to stay alive (just like in Pearl Harbor, although obviously I don’t want the hooking up with each others best friends part to happen, that would suck).
So what do you think?
Do you do it like the romance movies?!
How important is romance?
If you think not very then watch this and see if it changes your mind!