Yesterday me and the Dad2babyinsomniac mainly spent the day arguing debating about who should wash his socks. We debated it in a really childish mature way and at no point did we resort to calling each other names such as ‘wotsit face’ and ‘burnt kipper sandwich lover’.
We never really argue, we get bored and take the mickey out of each other sometimes but that’s just for fun (no-one wants to be nice all the time) but I think I must be pre-menstrual because I can’t seem to let this sock issue go. It all started yesterday morning. We were supposed to be going out but it was hammering it down with rain all morning so we couldn’t go - even Dad2babyinsomniac admitted that going to Weston Super-Mare to watch a car show in the rain wouldn’t have been much fun. Although on reflection it probably would have been a million times better than what we actually spent the day doing.
Within an hour of being stuck indoors we were both bored. He was moaning at me for spending too much money on food and I was moaning at him for wanting to cook a fishfinger sandwich. He then let slip that in the eight hours a day when he was at work, I should be able to clean the house. Cue the war.
Dad2babyinsomniac sees being a mum and being a housewife as one job, I see it as two. I love being a mum and am good at it but I hate being a housewife and am rubbish at it. I don’t mind all the essential stuff like washing-up, hoovering and bathroom cleaning but I draw the line at picking up cups that have been left all over the house and washing his dirty underwear. Especially socks.
I don’t think it is out of order to ask him to do one thing around the house and that one thing is his washing. I hate having to pick up his dirty, crusty socks and pull them out of the ball that they end up in after he has taken them off his feet and dumped them in a pile on the bathroom floor. I have written about my hatred of socks before but the problem was never really resolved – I must have just forgotten about it for a couple of weeks.
The outcome of our argument debate is that he has agreed to do his own washing but I know he thinks that I have completely lost the plot. I just can’t drop it because although he has agreed to do his own washing, he doesn’t understand why I hate doing it and that’s what is so annoying!
Does being a mum mean that you have to do every single household duty?!
p.s Dad2babyinsomniac has read this and given me his permission to post it!
Nope it does not! My OH washes and irons all his stuff. Mainly because he really doesn’t trust me to do it. At all! He even irons his own stuff. I’m not that rubbish. Honest. I think he has OCD or something!
Wow! I wish mine had did! I don’t even bothering ironing – I bought an iron when I found out I was pregnant to try and get into my role but I only used it once! X
Mine washes, irons, cooks and cleans…he’s a brilliant housewife.(he works too) im a rubbish housewife and we’d probably starve if I had to do the cooking.
Haha, I am the worst cook ever since having a baby! My OH said that the last time he ate something that he really enjoyed was when he was in Australia – that was ten years ago! You are lucky! x
My husband does the lion share of the housework. Two reasons, the first being he was unemployed until I went on maternity leave from working full time, and secondly, I can’t do anything good enOugh for his crazy head. Now we both work full time and have 5 month old, he does all tidying, and I wash clothes and cook.. As well as be mummy to the boob addict. We argue daily, in fact I hear him starting up now!
But there’s no excuse for leaving dirty crusty clothes laying around or scrunched up. Clothes here go from basket to machine. No uncurling or pocket checking… Nor floor hunting! Lol
Oh I know about being mummy to a boob addict! I am currently trying to cut Iylas feeds down, she sits there clawing at my top and moaning! I am reading all of these comments to my OH and he still won’t get the hint that he needs to do more! He thinks he has done his fairshare of help in the house by laying the laminate flooring – one year ago! x
I do the lion’s share. I agree it’s two jobs, would a man try cleaning & cooking with two toddlers running around his ankles? No. I do household stuff in my ‘lunch break’ when the kids sleep. I am still running around well after he’s come in, plonked himself down with a beer & turned telly on. He does a bit of washing up, cooks twice a week & that’s about it. He has never cleaned the bathroom. I also work p/t from home. I sympathise with you!
I always try and explain to my OH that is he was at home looking after Iyla then he wouldn’t manage to get anything else done, he just won’t have it. He thinks I sit around drinking tea all day! Mine has never cleaned the bathroom either! He tries to make out it’s because I’m not working at the moment but when we both worked all the time, it was still me who did all the cleaning! x
My hubby works, I’m a sahm. He does the majority of the cleaning, tidying and washing. I cook and iron. I’m a hopeless housewife, he’s a bit OCD. We seem to work well together. He doesn’t do it, but I definitely wouldn’t pick up his crusty socks!!
Wow wow wow! Mine thinks that because he works, he has a free pass out of all household duties! He is sulking now but still won’t admit that he’s in the wrong! x
D’you know, I was going to write a blog post about something very similar; not socks in particular but the fact that men think being a mum and housewife is the same job – and also the fact that a lot of women (perhaps previous generations more) let their SONS off with housework whilst their DAUGHTERS helped out. This hasn’t done sons any favours at all.
I’ll link this post if that’s okay. I’ll probably write my blog post at the end of this week.
CJ xx
Yes I completely hear you on that one. I think it is so important for boys to do all the chores when they are growing up so that they know how to do it when they leave home! There is nothing worse than a guy who can’t use a washing machine or cook pasta! Of course you can link, look forward to reading yours! x
I think there definately has to be a compromise somewhere with Men doing at least one or two chores..It’s taken nearly 9 years for me and my OH to get it right.. we now have a system that works (most of the time).
My OH used to be a chef, so as my cooking just doesn’t meet up to his standards he cooks most nights. He also takes the rubbish out and doesn’t mind hoovering occasionally if I just haven’t been able to get it done. I don’t mind doing everything else as I am just so happy I don’t have to cook every night! There is one rule though if he wants his washing done then it has to be put in the laundry basket, not left lying all over the floor!
One trick I have found works is if I praise him on how good he is at a particular task, he then seems to be more happy to do it. For example, I told him his cups of tea are THE BEST and he now actually offers to make me one!
Wow, that is so good that have you have found a way to make it work where you both have set jobs! The praise thing is a very good idea, I have taken to saying, ‘thank you so much, I really appreciate it’ everytime he puts something in the sink instead of leaving it where it was! But to be honest, it has been three days and he has so far done no washing and his socks are still on the bathroom floor. I just can’t see him changing! Lucky you though about the chef part! If I had dinner cooked for me every night then I would be more than happy to wash some socks in exchange! It is definitely about compromise but I think I have let him get away with not doing anything for too long! xx
I know exactly what you mean! I do both jobs – sahm & housewife. I think I used to be pretty good at housewife, but then I discovered blogging. This last fortnight time has just disappeared and I think serious conversations will need to be held so that hubbie starts to do more – I just don’t have the time now!
Seriously though, he does the odd bit of hoovering or dishwasher-loading but only if asked. Tonight he is out and in the half hour when he popped home between work and going out he said “I think I’m low on shirts – could you get me a clean one for tomorrow?” I mean seriously?! So obviously I am now
ironingreading blogs!Lol, the ‘blogging’ thing is why my OH thinks I have turned into such a rubbish housewife! But it is so nice to have something to focus on other than how full his sock drawer is! And I enjoy blogging, but there is nothing remotely enjoyable about washing someone elses dirty underwear! X
When I started living with my partner, I just always expected the household chores to be shared. He took a while to come to terms with the fact that I wasn’t going to be a little housewife type, but I still get the odd comment thrown at me about how little I, apparently, do around the house (even though we do the same amount). I think a part of him still thinks I should do more deep down, but that will NEVER happen! He cooks the most now, but he should… he trained as a chef when he was younger, time to put the skills into practice I say!
I also make sure my two sons grow up knowing how to look after themselves. My 5yo knew how to use a dustpan and brush from a young age and he now hoovers the living room and his bedroom (not everyday of course) and his little brother will do the same when he’s a bit older. Just doing my bit to even out inequality for future generations lol!
I think I made a mistake by doing all the housework at the start of our relationship because he just got used to it and now it doesn’t come into his radar to even offer to do anything! Wow about the chef part though! So he should put those skills into practise! If I was you I would just serve him up burnt microwave meals until he offered to do it every night forever!
Totally agree about teaching your sons to do everything! My mum did everything for my brother and he is useless, he is 16 and can’t work a washing machine or cook anything. He actually had to ask me how to open a can of soup once. I feel very sorry for his future wife! x
My partner does his own laundry most of the time, but that’s primarily because he’s disorganised and doesn’t really get the concept of putting things into the laundry basket (he complains that I’ve not ‘checked all the places’, would you believe, and doesn’t see why I’m annoyed that he hasn’t put everything in the basket).
Just a word of caution, though. These things can go too far. He tries to be helpful sometimes, but he also has problems understanding the idea of sorting whites and coloured items / checking care labels. I almost had a meltdown last Sunday when he threw a favourite light blouse of mine in with his assortment.
Great post – it feels great to share my woes!
I’m useless at housework and we’re not (yet) parents. I don’t know how mums manage to fit everything in, but certainly wouldn’t expect that being the stay at home parent would also involved doing all of the housework.
Haha men! I know what you mean about being careful though, to prove a point my OH has been putting my clothes in with his but I don’t really want him to as I don’t trust him with the colour separation either! I can imagine that after a week he will have given up his helpful phase again anyway! Yeah I just don’t understand how mums out there manage to do everything! I am most definitely not up to the job of being a perfect housewife! x
Empathising with you as I eat my butternut squash soup. Younger Dad leaves his everywhere – man socks gross me out. And don’t get me started on the underwear. WHY CAN’T THEY JUST PICK THEM UP? THEY NEED ESCORTING TO THE WASHING MACHINE!
Mine will do things if I ask him – but won’t notice. I usually let it slide but it’s so hard at the moment and the house is a mess. I recently said I do everything but he said the things he does – which are all with the children like putting them to bed. He doesn’t seem to notice the other things that need doing. I don’t want to spend my life complaining about the housework though – so i just do it.
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I just found this post searching for ‘great mom, rubbish housewife’. My son is 13 months old (doesn’t sleep well, incidentally) and I spent much of his first year fretting about why I couldn’t look after him and do the housework, as I assumed that was what I was supposed to do. There was also an, ahem, debate when my partner once pointedly asked what I had been doing all day, as he’d been to work but all of the dirty dishes were still next to the sink. Finally, I came to terms with the fact that my job is being the mother I want to be, and keeping the house under control while it is my ‘workplace’ during the day. I keep it tidy except for toys, do a little local food shopping, do laundry, load the dishwasher and do the day’s dishes and that’s it. The real cleaning is, and I think should be, shared. Why should the person at work expect to do less than they (hopefully) did before? Fine if you can and want to do more, but my very active toddler is better off with a trip to the park than watching me driving myself crazy trying to be a perfect housewife. I am quite content to be a great mom and a rubbish housewife.
I completely agree. My OH will still moan about the house being a mess but now I just tell him to clean it! I hate the way he implied that it was my ‘job’ to keep it clean. To be honest though instead of cleaning, he just doesn’t complain anymore and I have got him to wash up twice! Being a mum is a full-time job and cleaning is definitely not part of it! X
Sometimes I have the opposite problem, I complain the house is a mess and he says ‘oh it’s not that bad’! I have to say I am very lucky, he cooks at weekends, and does do washing up and some cleaning (the last mostly with prompting), and we seem to be past the stage where he thought he’d come home to a perfect house, food, and an idyllic mother and child!